Difficult Conversations

How do you deal with the difficult conversation? When you need to let someone go? Discipline them for unacceptable behaviour?  Or let them know their work is not up to scratch?  

It’s tempting to put the conversation off; wait for a better time to broach the subject.  That only makes matters worse, as they will assume all’s well, and that unacceptable behaviour or performance will persist.

If you’re dealing with a man, or a woman very much in her masculine energy, that masculine energy is very focused. Interrupt it for a conversation and you run the risk of not having their full attention, and that conversation not landing with them.  That’s why it’s so important to:

1. Book a time for that conversation, letting the person know what you plan to discuss. This way, they know what to expect and you have their undivided attention. 

2. Step into a resourceful state — calm, respectful and caring of the other person. And certain in yourself and your position. 

3. Meet that person where they happen to be. They may be resentful, resistant, fearful.  Build rapport.

4. Get curious. Ask open questions to understand their perspective. How do they see this situation? What’s their complaint? Challenge? You’ll come to understand their point of view.

5. Listen, really listen so they feel heard.  As soon as that happens, the fear and resistance will fall away. They’ll open up a little more, and at some point in that conversation, you’ll realise the time is right.

You can give the feedback on their performance in a way that is  respectful of them and encourages them to grow and develop personally and professionally.

If it’s unacceptable behaviour, again, you and they will be in a position where you can simply and easily state the nature of that behaviour, what is and is not acceptable, and work out a better approach with them.

Or acknowledge their contribution to the business, thank them for their service and gently and as respectfully as possible, explain why you have to terminate their employment. 

However difficult the conversation, stay true to yourself. As humans we know instinctively when someone is insincere.   And maintain that open, resourceful and respectful state that allows the other person to feel heard, regardless of how the other person reacts.