I’ve poured heart and soul into a new programme I’m developing for women leaders, and when I looked at the sign-ups, it wasn’t what I’d hoped for. In my head, I caught myself saying: *“No one is interested.”*
Even as I write that, I know it isn’t true. My existing clients are excited and ready to go. I’ve had encouraging conversations with women who told me how much they need this, and yet haven’t taken the next step to register. So it’s not “no one is interested” at all, l but in the swirl of emotion, that’s what I told myself.
And isn’t that so human? We so quickly magnify the gap between what we want and what we’ve got. We let the story of “not enough” become louder than the truth.
For me, it showed up as wallowing, wanting a bit of sympathy, and feeling sorry for myself. For you, it might show up as frustration, self-criticism, or questioning your own worth. However it comes, disappointment has a way of shrinking our perspective until all we can see is what didn’t happen, what didn’t arrive, what didn’t go our way.
But here’s the thing: disappointment is inevitable. As leaders, as women, as human beings, we will always face moments when things don’t go to plan. A strategy falls flat. A promotion passes us by. A colleague doesn’t deliver what we expected. An idea we were sure would fly seems to stumble on the runway.
The question is not whether we’ll feel disappointment, but how we meet it.
I’ve learned that denying it doesn’t work. Soldiering on, pretending I’m fine, or telling myself “just push harder” only leaves the emotion lodged somewhere inside, quietly draining energy and resilience. On the other hand, indulging I, wallowing in self-pity, replaying the “not enough” story over and over, only amplifies the sting.
The most useful response I’ve found is the simplest, though not always the easiest: to actually feel it. To let the disappointment run through me, like a wave. To acknowledge it, name it, and allow it to be present without judgment. When I do that, it passes more quickly. I’m lighter, clearer, and more resourceful on the other side.
That’s the leadership lesson here.
We cannot avoid disappointment, but we can learn to metabolise it. To process it in such a way that it doesn’t harden into bitterness, self-doubt, or cynicism. Instead, it becomes just another part of the human experience, a passing weather system rather than a permanent climate.
For women leaders especially, this matters. We already carry so much: the constant pressure on our time and energy, the competing demands, the endless uncertainties and distractions that pull us away from what truly matters. Adding layers of unprocessed disappointment to that load is simply too heavy to bear.
So here’s what I suggest: next time you feel that sting of disappointment, pause. Don’t rush to numb it, fix it, or cover it over with activity. Take a breath. Name it. Feel it. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to stomp around the garden or journal a few raw pages, do that. Let it move through you. Then let it go.
When you do, you’ll find yourself standing on the other side not only lighter, but stronger. You’ll be clearer about your next step. You’ll have reconnected with the deeper resilience that’s always been within you.
Disappointment is not the enemy. It’s simply one more teacher along the leadership journey. A reminder that we’re human, that we care deeply, and that we have the capacity to feel fully and still carry on, with grace.
And when you learn to meet it this way, you’ll discover that disappointment no longer defines you. Instead, it refines you.
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